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4 beliefs that prevent you from being happy as a couple

4 beliefs that prevent you from being happy as a couple

What do you think about love, relationships and your partner? Have you questioned it? What if the most basic beliefs, to which you have been so clinging or clinging, and that you have taken for granted, are making you suffer in your relationship? Here I highlight 4 basic beliefs and I will use part of the process of Byron Katie, the best seller author “Love what it is" Y "I need your love, is it true?”, 4 simple questions to help you question its truthfulness and show you how they may be affecting your life in a stealthy but profound way, and how to live without them can free you and help you live a better relationship ...

Belief 1: I will be unhappy without you

This is a belief that seems very innocent but can affect your life as a couple in a very important way.

And the first question I ask you to ask yourself if you have this belief, would be 1) It is true? Answer honestly, simply with a yes or no. If you answered yes, ask yourself 2) Can you know that it is true with absolute certainty that you will be unhappy without your partner? Let the answer emerge from the heart, let your mind open and answer with a simple yes or no.

Now I invite you to see 3) How do you live your life when you have the belief that you will be unhappy without your partner? Can you imagine a sad and lonely life? Do you have past images or even movies or songs that make you believe that being alone means loneliness, abandonment, sadness? When you have this belief, you may cling to your partner, force yourself to maintain the relationship at all costs, to accept things that you disagree with, or that do not make you feel good. You don't say what you think. You may try to constantly monitor your partner, keep an eye on her, and be aware of everything she does to make sure she doesn't leave your side. This thought can create fear, stress, dependence and a difficult coexistence.

Now imagine 4) What would your life and relationship be like if you could not believe that you will be unhappy without your partner? It is very possible, that you relax, that you are calmer and more confident, that you accept that this person can enter and leave your life and you will always be well. You may stop feeling the need to control it. That you allow yourself to enjoy the time that the relationship lasts, trusting that you will enjoy life with or without a partner. Everything feels lighter, and you are more open to life, and what can happen ... You feel more you, more real, more open to say and do what you feel ...

Can you see the difference in how you would live life and your relationship with that belief and without it? Can you see that everything would be easier and more harmonious when that belief is not in your mind?

Belief 2: Love is having what you want and having your needs covered

It is true? Can you know that it is true with absolute certainty that if your partner loves you would do what you ask or give you what you think you need? I ask you to take your time to answer ... Ask yourself if that really means love and answer with a yes or no.

Now let's see how this belief can affect your life. To do this, ask yourself: How do you live your life when you think that if your partner loves you, he would do what you ask or give you what you need and is not doing it? You may bother, resent yourself, close to that person and take away your love; that you are constantly measuring his love, based on what he does for you. You may treat it with hardness, bad mood, pressure or recrimination. And do you treat yourself when you have this belief? You make yourself feel insecure, you force yourself to do things for your partner that you don't want to do, you force yourself, you push yourself.

Now, how would you live your life and your relationship if you could not believe that if your partner loves you, he would do what you ask or give you what you think you need? It is possible that more open, you would be less demanding, more loving, you would not need anything from the other person, you would enjoy more the presence of the other person, without demanding, without setting conditions, and you would feel more free to act in the way that you feel, without feeling obliged to do things you don't feel like doing. There would be more peace in your life and your relationship ...

If others do not meet your needs, it is the signal that we have to do it ourselves... Give attention, flowers, flattery, care, love, love you ask your partner. Before demanding it, ask yourself if you are giving it to yourself, it is very possible that you are not doing it, and that what you ask of your partner is only the reflection of what you have to give yourself and not are you giving ...

Byron Katie, tells us: “Personalities do not love, they want something. Love doesn't look for anything, it doesn't want anything, it doesn't need anything, it doesn't have "you should". So when I hear people say they love someone and want to be loved in return, I know they are not talking about love. They are talking about something different”.

Belief 3: I need to win the love and approval of other people

This is one of the most painful beliefs regarding relationships. Note how do you live your life when you look for love and approval? TWe are afraid of being alone and we modify our behavior to gain the attention of another person and get their love. We change our behavior to avoid rejection or criticism. By modifying who we are, we become someone who is not authentic. We hide aspects of us for fear that others will judge us or not like them. We put on a mask and live in fear of discovering who we really are. We do things we don't want to please others. And this is a very painful and exhausting way of living, pretending to be who we are not ... This belief leads you to a false and stressful life.

Look now, how would you live if you did not believe that you need to win the love and approval of others ?: You could enjoy being who you are, feeling comfortable with yourself, giving yourself to others as you are, doing and saying what you feel in each moment. When we free ourselves from a belief like this, we can let go of our fears of being who we are. We feel real, honest and relaxed in the relationship. It becomes easy to express love and be happy again, regardless of what others say or think.

Belief 4: My partner has many flaws

What if I told you that the apparent defects of your partner that bother you so much are an opportunity for self-knowledge? The others are the reflection of our thoughts and beliefs. Byron Katie tells us: “Once we begin to question our thoughts, our partners are always our greatest teachers. There are no mistakes about the person you are with, he or she is the perfect teacher for you, whether or not the relationship works for you, once you start questioning your thoughts, you start seeing this clearly. ".

There is no mistake in the universe. So if your partner is upset, fine. If there is something about him that you consider a defect, well, because these defects are yours, you are projecting them, and you can write them, question them, and free yourself. People go to India to find a guru, but you don't have to: you are living with one. Your partner will give you everything you need for your own freedom. ”

To develop healthy, loving and respectful relationships requires identifying those beliefs we have about love, relationships and our partner and dissolve these judgments and beliefs. To do this you can use the Byron Katie process, 4 simple questions that can help you free yourself from those beliefs that prevent you from enjoying your relationship and, above all, your relationship with yourself. When you question your stressful beliefs, your partner becomes someone very important in your path of self-discovery.

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