Feeling loved and accepted by others is part of our social nature. That is why we sometimes conduct behaviors completely designed to please others. This is something completely normal and there is nothing to worry about. From using perfume before leaving, to praising the aesthetic taste of someone who differs greatly from ours, many of our daily acts are part of a harmless “strategy” aimed at achieving a better coexistence and feeling the warm appreciation of those we love or we admire. However, some people take this quest for acceptance towards limits that undermine their own well-being. Are the people who feel the need to constantly please others, coming to adopt patterns of unhealthy behaviors.
- 1 Causes of the need for complacency
- 2 Traits of extremely accommodating people:
- 3 Consequences of living pleasing others
Causes of the need for complacency
Some people they are not able to say no. They are always willing to help and please others. It is those people who are always asked for favors and who agree to carry a family, social or labor burden that really does not belong to them. This seems like something positive and desirable in any human being, however, these attitudes are very unhealthy psychologically.
The time of his life, his plans for the day and all his care revolve around others, their families, couples, friends, bosses and any person or cause that requires their attention. They are people who fear failing others and being rejected, even by themselves, because of the guilt they may feel if they do not give everything for others.
These may have been learned or even imitated attitudes, as well as ways in which people have learned to function to feel valuable and loved by their loved ones. There is also an educational moral component in which the person can justify their actions by stating that this is the correct behavior and filling themselves with guilt and remorse if they do not comply.
Features of extremely accommodating people:
- Extremely accommodating people try by all means not to disappoint others, even in small details.
- Their lives, plans and desires are relegated to the background before the needs of others.
- They feel anxiety and guilt at the idea of not doing everything they can for others
- They feel great compassion for other people
- They feel valuable being the support of others
- Sometimes they may have low self-esteem
Consequences of living pleasing others
This attitude, even if it rests on very kind principles, is very harmful in the long term for people. Some of the consequences of living for others can fall on both physical and psychological health:
1. They are negligent with themselves
Time and self care are relegated to the background when life revolves around others. This entails a great energy wear and certain consequences on the person's own health, both psychological and physical. It is common for these people to feel great stress and anxiety, sometimes reaching depressive states and suffering from problems in their quality of life. In the constant concern for others they become so unconcerned about themselves that the consequences on their health can be very negative.
2. Loss of identity
The lack of time for their own needs and self-denial before the wishes of others causes people to end up forgetting their aspirations, their passions and even their own identity. In addition, extremely accommodating people may end up acting differently depending on the environment they are in, in order to adapt and please others. Although adaptation to different contexts is something healthy and useful, often these people behave completely away from themselves, because they prefer to be accepted rather than impose their own voice, their particularities and everything that makes them really special and different.
3. Feel others take advantage
People who always say "yes" even if they are overloaded with work or stress They are a very easy prey for those who tend to exploit and manipulate others. But not only for these types of people, but for any acquaintance who simply does not know their circumstances will tend to ask for favors, since they do not know their limits. This means that many can take advantage of this attitude and even get angry if at any time the complacent person says no. Leaving guilt aside and learning to say no, emphatically, is necessary to scare away toxic people and superficial social relationships based on the advantage of one over the other.
4. They may feel resentment
In spite of his eagerness to please others, a lifestyle in which one is positioned secondly creates a feeling of disagreement that may increase over time. This can lead to anger and some anger that can try to repress not to worry others, an anger that can be transformed into passive aggressiveness. Is aggressive passive attitude leads to resentment that emanates in any everyday relationship through subtle comments or actions that are diminishing relationships with others. In their need to please and be accepted, sadly people can achieve the opposite.
Being kind, kind and caring for others is a magnificent quality. However, forgetting oneself to serve others can have very negative consequences. In fact, those who do not take care of themselves and devote time to their desires and priorities, suffer from wasted energy and strength that does not allow them to take care of others in a healthy way. Finding the right balance between one attitude and another is the key to being able to lead a full and healthy life. We all deserve to take care of ourselves and learn to say no in some circumstances is a first step to release this heavy burden.
Links of interest
This Is Why You Shouldn't Please Others But Yourself. Daniel Wallen //www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/not-please-others-true-you.html
Are you a People Pleaser? Sherry Pagoto //www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shrink/201210/are-you-people-pleaser
6 Revealing Reasons Why People Are So Eager to Please. //www.nerdycreator.com/blog/people-pleaser/